Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this will be a night to untag.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
