I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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