yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
