He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize