College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
