I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
