I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize