We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
