Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i already hear my dad disowning me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
