dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
