Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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