somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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