maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Come see our sink grown plant.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize