I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
