I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
