I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
