where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
