I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
