i think my tv is drunk
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
