I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
