he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize