Pants 0. Shit 1.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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