I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
