you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
