So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
