how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize