I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
