So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
