Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
