Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
