I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
