Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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