Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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