just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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