That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
