It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
