Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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