You smell like stripper and shame
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
