Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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