I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
there is puke in my bra ... again
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
