5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
