I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
