Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
