I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
