Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
