Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize