Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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