dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
