we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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