tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
