we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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