Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
