I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
