i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
