yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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