what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
