Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
