honey bunches of taint.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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