I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
