My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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