sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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