So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am spending my child support on dildos
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
