today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize