That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
