Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
