Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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