"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
try to milk me bitch
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