I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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