Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
