My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
