I wish I could teleport
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
