remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
