why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
