had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dick very happy bro
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
