She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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