need another drink. this is the easiest way
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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