worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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