We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
