im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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