ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
