i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
