but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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