.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
