Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
